When tomorrow comes

On sunday, I left for the hospice early to accompany my grandma.  My grandfather was admitted the day before.  After the nurses cleaned him up, my grandpa turned a little blue. The nurse took his pulse and it was time.

Aunties called the rest of the family
My grandma tried to say a few words but she bursted out in tears.
Winson spoke a little
I said my peace.
He was gone.

A lot of details in the funeral only to highlight how different my family was compared to my extended family. We might not share the same religion. Point of view. Way we work.. etc. One thing we have in common is thay we love deeply.

I’m not very close to my grandpa. The things that I’ve done when I was younger always made his day. Most of which, I dont remember. It was hardly a relationship but I am grateful.
Grateful that he helped to pay for my education and grateful that he has given life to my dad and me.

2 things that broke my heart.
1. My uncle’s arrival
He was first to arrive. At that time, grandpa was already gone. My uncle asked, “I am too late, right?”

How many times and moments of missed opportunities to say what we really feel? To choose to say words that matter than to fight over the words that don’t. I am lucky and blessed to have a chance to say. Yet, other times, I failed to do it too. Every moment is so precious,  the right time may not come again.

To friends who are always late – i wait because because I treasure the friendship. But if you are constantly late, clearly,  you dont treasure me as a friend as much. So don’t waste my time.

2. When tomorrow comes
Last night of the wake, grandma stood by grandpa’s coffin and said
When tomorrow comes
This will be but an empty space
When tomorrow comes
You will no longer beside me

I know, so hard not to cry along. One thing I’ve learnt from my grandparents is how much and deeply they love each other. They only have eyes for each other.

My grandma can be at a relative’s wedding and she will face-time my grandpa back at home to tell him which dish it is and how much longer the dinner will take.
My grandpa will wake up asking for my grandma (who is eating or resting). When I ask if I should ask her to come in, he will shake his head but eyes fixed on the door, trying to steal glimpse of her.

I’m a little envious of those who have a special someone.
Someone you wanna protect.
Someone who is protecting you.
Treasure all you have and hold.

The love that needed to be said, SAY! Don’t let the last words or any words be words of regret, of sadness,  of pain or hurt

Life and death come as certain as it is. How, where and when will always be the variable. Treausre what you have and hold.

We are but tourist in this world.

——
Aunties called the rest of the family
My grandma tried to say a few words but she bursted out in tears.
Winson spoke a little
I said,” I will take care of ah ma. Ah kong, you should go peacefully. No need to worry.”
He was gone.

Maybe he was gone before that, but I would like to think that he heard what I said before leaving.

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