I was watching the Korean drama, suspicious housekeeper. A housekeeper that gives people the shivers. She has a dark secret She tells people around her that she can’t smile. She knows that she doesn’t deserve to be happy. 

Extremely dramatic isn’t it?

I had a text regarding new work. First thing is fear – will I be able to do a good job? Instinctively I said no. 

Then I saw myself as the housekeeper tell myself (brainwashing myself) that I am not worth it. I have been telling everyone that I am in cold storage – just doing admin instead of music. While the housekeeper denial herself of happiness, I denial myself of opportunities because of fear, self doubt. I allowed the past cripple my life and make me crumble. 

Time to be awaken from this deep sleep and see things in the different light. Thank you God for this awakening. 

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