I have been thinking what to get for myself this birthday. Thanks to the ang bao from my sister. Everyday for a month, I have been going through in my head – sushi, that red coat, broadway tickets. But the best birthday present of all was the opportunity to cut of ties to an abusive relationship.
I have been serving in my church group for more than 10years. In the later part of my service, I have been “used and reduced to trash”. With that, I decided to leave. Two weeks ago, one of the leaders emailed me regarding the songs we have written. He intends to register the song. When I asked for help to register a song that I have personally written for the church group, I was asked to do it on my own.
I was taken aback by the curt answer. So, when I no longer am needed, Christian charity doesn’t seem to apply. Immediately, I thought, “Let’s (punish) them but not allowing them to use my songs.” With God’s grace, I was allowed 2 weeks to think about it. The relationship I had with the group isn’t healthy. Cutting all ties from whatever resulted in this relationship is the best way to move on.
The idea came from a petty place in my heart. I clearly do not need to write a sappy email explaining the situation. But, I never felt so relax and light-hearted that this might be finally over. Of course, it will take a while to heal the wounds that are left behind or to be finally whole again. But I have never felt so glad that I do not have to subject myself to this.
One of the things that bothered me when I was leaving was some of the friends that I left behind. I really hope that cutting ties from the group can help me build friendship with these friends as individuals and not as a member of the group.